A New Path
It's been a little bit since I've written here, not for lack of trying. My usual workflow involves writing in my personal journal, then realizing something I have written can be generalized a bit and published. Lately, my personal writings have been very specific to people and situations that I don't care to share online. Things have gotten a bit exciting recently, so I have general life updates that are worth sharing.
I have an Orchiectomy in a week, which is so exciting and nerve-wracking. The original surgeon I was hoping to see (which scheduled a consultation in March, when I called in August 2023) ended up pushing the appointment even further, to August, and that despair motivated me to look elsewhere. I found a surgeon who is slightly closer, was able to get me in for a consultation basically immediately, and I think is a better fit overall.
Even better, I've gotten connected into a system of providers who can help me access other procedures. Things I've long refused to indulge thinking about, presuming them to be unrealistic, are likely possibilities now. I have a consultation for Facial Feminization Surgery this week, which I am looking forward to. My face reads a bit masculine at times, and I have to supplement that with more feminine style to help. I'm increasingly realizing my style leans a little more butch than that, but I've been afraid to try more masculine things (I really want to do shorter hair than I have currently) because I don't want to get misgendered any more than I do. I'm hoping FFS can help with that.
Long-term, I'm hoping I can get Gender Nullification Surgery. I've spent years debating whether vaginoplasty would make me have less bottom dysphoria than I do now or not, and I believe it would feel just as incongruent as a penis does now. Nullification actually feels extremely correct to me mentally, both from a physical and sexual perspective. We'll see if my Orchiectomy helps my bottom dysphoria significantly, but I think I'll want this procedure either way. It's not incredibly common yet, with a dozen or so surgeons advertising it around the country. I'm hoping that the surgical team I'll work with for the procedures I have planned may have experience with it or be willing to learn, however.
In other news, I have a boyfriend now which is exciting! He is monogamous though, so there's been some interesting complexities there, but I think we're managing it well. Dating Apps are an exhausting experience, and I don't otherwise get out of the house enough to organically meet people, so I keep coming back. It feels really nice that my wife and I both have partners now, like we're actually doing polyamory instead of trying to do so. There's been lots of learning and communication along the way, but things are good.
There was an interesting couple of months where my wife and I actually decided we were going to move to a larger city not too far away, so she could pursue a new career path. We were pretty serious about this, we started meeting with a Realtor to sell our home. She ended up deciding to stay where she is a bit longer, since our health insurance is really excellent and we're planning surgeries and things.
Since that decision, I've actually discovered what I want to be doing as a career long-term! I'm going back to university this fall to study Social Work, then graduate school for Counseling. After 5-6 years of school I'm hoping I can get licensed to practice therapy, or do counseling for a community organization that works with vulnerable populations. I've also thought there could be interesting research opportunities about what therapeutic methods work best with queer and trans patients. It'll be a long path, but I feel confident about it being the right one. I'm excited to get started.
The rest of 2024 is looking to be extremely eventful, but extremely good.
- before this i wrote: The Dissonance of Trans Existence
- after this i wrote: A New Start