notes

i did something dumb i probably won't use it my domain is too good

my mom would always use cutsie words like “SO” and “lover” for my wife because acknowledging that i was in a queer relationship would make her spontaneously combust.

can’t believe i accepted that disrespect. well i can, i let her misgender and deadname me for 7 years, lmao

always fun to be honest in response to “hey, how have you been?” and then see someone get quiet because they don’t know how to interact with someone suffering lmao

apple revive the 12 inch macbook with apple silicon you fucking cowards

remembering the time that an elementary school teacher told us "you really need to move to california, san francisco is the place for you"

...you really could've just called me a slur honestly? lol

if your phone isn’t orientation locked to portrait like 99% of the time just know i see you and i’m judging you

envious of trains having a track, just moving forward

shout out the therapist that blocked me after replying to my message and shoutout to the telehealth platform for emailing me pressuring me to book with the therapist that blocked me

it's actually so cool that my brain is so fucked up no one wants to help me

after last night it’s just been me in front and headspace is completely empty no matter how much i call out for anyone else i am very worried about what is going on

went to look for an insurance document from last year and yeeeesh 🥴

fuck my dumb plural life tbh

sobriety is so good for you but it’s so fucking boring i have to fill my time with real activities now what the fuck do you meannn

switching headaches suck i am in so much pain ugh

i guess i’m not taking PrEP anymore because my doctor won’t refill it without it labs despite me not having had sex in ages and i can’t make myself drive an hour and a half to his office because the last time i went he erroneously sent me to the ER because he misread an EKG and i’m traumatized

every time i look at sky’s journals lately she’s just really sad and feeling rejected and i feel so fucking bad that i couldn’t protect her from that she used to be so happy and innocent and joyful and she learned to care more about what other people think. it sucks.

how fast do y'all type? ;3 this is on our MacBook keyboard lol

we're not hyperfixating you're hyperfixating

i’m so sorry to speak this into the universe but like… they’re going to send the IRS after queer-focused 501(c)3s right? Like retroactively stripping nonprofit status? I’ve reached out to some ED friends to see if they’re planning for this… and they’re not??

we’re almost certainly privileged enough for it not to matter but that executive order hitting as our mental health is the worst it’s been in a long time, and right as we’re about to meet with our psychiatrist to add DID to our chart (we have reasons) is scary!! genuinely frightening.

we need a new therapist so badly she is not at all versed in DID and keeps trying to use IFS concepts with us and it's so counterproductive honestly, but we're moving so soon and no one will respond to us ugh

we grabbed a copy of Emma Grove's "The Third Person" today and read it in a marathon 3 hour session, holy fuck was it good. Now to spiral a little and process some things lol

exceptionally bad brain day bweh

today's fit is this adorable new cluey shirt i got 🥰

"are you a puppy girl because you have arf arf ARFID?" - our wife 🤦🏼‍♀️

the ever-lovely @olivia.ky got us this gorgeous hoodie and BINGO EARS today 🥰 i feel so freaking cute aaaa

just remembering the time last year that i got drugged at a bar by a creep, and then the next morning went to the ER after making it home safely because I was very unwell – they told me i just drank too much and when there was THC in my blood put "Marijuana Abuse" on my chart and did nothing 🙃

cut most of our hair off today, love it soooo much 🥰

why is cigna sending me a push notification every 15 minutes this morning saying “you’re due for a healthcare visit” what do they know that i don’t

so lazy today, but managed to do a little makeup for the first time in a while and felt cute 🥰

thinking about how my mom told me i wasn’t autistic when i talked to her about wanting to get diagnosed

“mom, i was nonverbal until i was like 6” “yeah but that has nothing to do with autism!”

🥴

good morning other mentally ill people in my phone

we enabled (privacy friendly, server-side) analytics on https://system.gay and uhhhhhh that's a lot more people than we expected to be reading about us lol

sobbing because we came out as plural to a discord full of friends and they're all reading our website and encouraging us to discern who's fronting in conversation and showing curiosity and it's so fucking nice 🥺😭

who else looks forward to their afternoon buspirone dose every day i love feeling happy again

a vase, shattered early in creation shards too complex to coalesce

a perpetual unknown

⚫️

y’all know who you are?

having feelings, wrote about it

forever immune from trans community discourse because thanks to being plural i am a nonbinary person, binary transsexual woman, and trans man all in one so you cannot be mad at me sorry those are the rules

holy shit got my first binders (went with light compression to test it out) and cried from the gender euphoria i feel so fucking good right now 😭🥰🏳️‍⚧️

i don't think it says anything good about my relationship to my body that i can look in the mirror and guess my weight within a half pound accurately tbh, but it is a fun party trick

just in case no one noticed, today's horrendously self-loathing transphobic main character also hates plural folks.

"dissociative DID bullshit" like it's not a real fucking disorder i'm diagnosed with or anything (also i corrected her spelling of "dissassociative" lol)

how to heal your parts when they're not allowed to exist send skeet

setting timers with siri is going great in iOS 26 Beta 3 i just wanted to make my bagel bites 😭

we want to make a browser extension that fetches the bio of anyone who opens a post with an emoji, then puts that headmate's name on the post like a label, i think it would be very useful

think very carefully before letting a headmate that rarely fronts claim an emoji you use in conversation normally bc now i can't and she's never around anyway and that shit sucks lmfao

it’s 4:13am and i’m stuck awake searching the entire internet because i CANNOT find that gif of the girl holding up a phone in a club that says “POPPERS??? FAG” scrolling and it’s driving me wild

my kingdom for a scrap of body temperature regulation PLEASE i am sweating one second and freezing the next 😭

girl breakfast

hey we know zari talks about plurality a lot bc she’s a nerd, but i just want to say to other systems that you should not spend all your energy and effort on system discovery and learning, even if it’s fun.

i’ve asked zari to slow things down a couple times now, and it’s been very beneficial.

sometimes neutrality is just abandonment wrapped up in a fancy box

quit thc products on thursday and have had no appetite still, so thankful for ensure clear for literally keeping me alive at this point fuck i feel like shit

does anyone even know how Discord manages to break text replacements in macOS? because like,,, they work in literally every other text field? and it's just electron right??

we can't use our shortcuts for headmate emoji and it's driving us wild!!!

inhabiting a body that’s transitioned in ways you wouldn’t have chosen is a uniquely unpleasant dysphoria, don’t like it.

being a singlet? in this (political) economy??

wrote a thing earlier (cw: self-harm)

we get really invested in what people online think about plurality at times and try to remember:

• "plurality" describes a wide variety of experiences
• you decide what healing/moving forward looks like
• clinicians provide support, not validation
• we just share portions of our lives online

one of my least important but most strongly-held opinions is that Chicago-style citations are the best by FAR