"i wanna come over and play dress up together"
i just look like a woman all the time actually on account of being one, thanks
i mean like,,, we're actually a man like 30% of the time but that's not relevant here lmfao
help our tiktok for you page has decided we have bpd now apparently
spent the day ignoring social media and building a lil place to track what books we're reading, have read, and want to read – with ratings and optional reviews!
we don't have all our physical books with us so we can't add all of them, but added the hits. take a look:
what if i was just like, not debilitatingly mentally ill that would be so cool actually
we've spent so much time working on an iOS/macOS app and are this close to scrapping it and building a PWA instead because holy FUCK is CloudKit a pain in the fucking ass and if I'm using something else for encrypted storage I may as well make it cross-platform at that point
do you want cloud storage that only achieves eventual consistency and sometimes just decides a new device with no data is the most important and deletes everything? what? you want to build safeguards against that? don't be silly! it's an entirely opaque sync process you have zero visibility into!!
out of curiosity fed some of our recent journal entries into an "ai detector" and most of them said 0% but one of them said 40% AI written, and nope, those were just our words lol
thinking about the cis woman who asked me if i'd had a tracheal shave because she couldn't see an adam's apple lmao
i was forced to transition because i’m too good at shopping on instacart and doordash and we all know men aren’t capable of that
to be clear this dumbass replaced mucinex cold and flu am/pm with plain ass advil. thanks for nothing.
apropos of nothing, we really don't have a clitoris
hey if new alters could STOP showing up in the middle of the night that would be great we have enough thank you goodbye
remembered i’ve been sleeping in the bed i was assaulted in, can’t sleep now. i just want to go home already and never see this place again
i had a leg cramp in the middle of the night that was so bad it hurts to walk this morning, hours later 😩
you can't pour from an empty cup
ours: broken in shards attempt after attempt to mend failing
unable to hold anything good
toxicity stays stuck tar staining personalities
we don't even know yet
people are so fucking normal to us (also our MOM beat us thank you very much)
love eating an entire box of shells and cheese for dinner we will certainly not regret eating an entire box of shells and cheese for dinner
we will probably never publish our alter indicator parsing extension because the infinite possibilities of bio layout and the complexity of emoji make it break every 5 minutes >.<
that said if you want a copy i have a safari and chrome build i can share lol just no guarantees lmao
rewatching bar rescue because i lack self-respect and need mindless entertaininment
today was a lot better, group therapy was good. still no luck finding a new individual therapist though, keep getting really dismissive and discouraging responses from the therapists i reach out to 😔
let people talk about their experiences without having to provide a million disclaimers in the service of “nuance” like it’s some inherent moral good challenge
have such a headache today, probably bc we forgot our anxiety meds before bed and also logged 25 switches yesterday 🥴
fuck ass brain
WTHelly
i wish we got diagnosed with DID earlier bc i didn’t get any say in our transition care, and don’t love this body. but the others all like it so i just get to be unhappy and that sucks.
don’t know that anything would’ve changed, but i would feel better being involved in the decision-making?
real existential dread hours
pro tip: if you forget your anxiety meds you may spend all afternoon spiraling, not that we'd know 🙃
why does every therapeutic modality ever have a little disclaimer that's like "probably is harmful in individuals with DID" it's so annoying
when subtitles say "[speaking spanish]" instead of just fucking transcribing what was said in spanish it pisses me off so much!!
switch fronter to me 5 unread messages from ethan
oh he’s mad at me 🥴
first time we’re mentioning it here but we’ve been cooking a bit 😅
monogamous people complain about their dating lives without implying polyam people are the problem challenge
we're home from our mental health program for the weekend and oh my god we missed our bidet SO much lmao
it's fucking great that apple wouldn't accept my drivers license for identity verification for a developer account and instead i had to use my fucking passport that says im a fucking man
my sex is N/A
honestly feeling like we're starting to make real progress in our mental health program, noticing us handling things better and easier? it's really encouraging and we're oddly proud of ourselves.
we're learning that a toaster oven is a very critical part of my ability to feed ourself, as we impatiently heat up a full-size electric oven (so slow god) to heat a breakfast sandwich lmao
honestly if it weren’t for how difficult it makes dating it would mostly be funny how threatened and confused some men are by the concept of someone without genitals
i hate feeling like some weird science project any time i am required to explain my nullification to someone – half the time their response is "that's interesting" which is not positive!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
guy: "i don't remember that conversation, i think i may have been drunk"
me: "i don't remember that conversation, i have dissociative amnesia"
god where's that dumb bitch that kept shouting at me about how gay people won marriage equality and we have to moderate ourselves and follow the same playbook for trans rights because look where that's gotten us lmfao
slept decently, got out of the apartment, had some phenomenal biscuits and gravy, talked to real people for a second. good morning.
in some ways my brain created a family of people to take care of me in my head because my external family was harmful. i’m thankful to have them during hard times like this. melanie and i have had some really helpful conversations.
the only constant in our life is that our body is for men to take and use for their pleasure however they like regardless of how it destroys us
do y'all shave your feet or are those unique brainworms we have
this lyft driver went around the block 4 times before stopping, reeks of weed, and misgendered me lmao sick
well there's literally not another room available on the property at all so i am forced to stare at and sleep in the bed that i was sexually assaulted in for the next two weeks while allegedly working on my mental health full time i'm sure that's going to go well
stares into camera so that was a lie
our arm is still sore and bruised from him biting us
never asked if that was okay either
random makeup tip: eyeshadow with shimmer for inner corner highlight accentuates texture and pulls light in a bad way – use a matte light skin-tone shade or like, bone/white if you're pale like me, it'll look much better. if you need shine for the look, a little glitter over that works better!
in better news we are five weeks sober and will not be letting all of this ruin that, it has been so fucking worth it
hey... if you say "this really hurts" and "i don't think i can do this" and are verbally wincing a hookup should stop right? he shouldn't grab your hips and push into you?
like it eventually felt good but uhhhhhh i am having feelings and am very confused and conflicted and idk man
group therapy today was rough, this guy got angry and it was triggering.
🌟 i fronted and didn't know where i was in the cafeteria and it was very scary, i was just super quiet and followed the line back to the room and sat there but people kept asking me questions and i didn't know what to say 😔
i was going to consult for BA a bit ago but had to decide not to because Ethan’s chest dysphoria and binder wearing. i still think about it so often.
being plural is not the most fun thing.
thinking about the guy in group therapy who responded to us saying “i have no idea who i am” immediately with “well, however many of you there are, there, four, whatever” when we have not mentioned DID 🙃
finally wore a two piece swimsuit after like,, 9 years of transition and swam for the first time in 5 years. it was sooo nice 🥰
not all furries, but almost always a furry for some reason we genuinely cannot parse
wild that somehow the take always becomes “online community isn’t valid, i’m morally superior to you because i live somewhere i have queer friends” when it’s about privacy and consent. irl friends still have group chats where they talk shit, sorry to say.
well i picked a good day to be too busy to Log On and then to be taking a break from bluesky for the next ~3 weeks (if i can manage the self control) 🥴
if you wanna chat DM me for signal/discord would love to have folks to talk to!! 🥰
we need to hook our medication tracker into bluesky so we can’t post until we’ve taken our mental health meds lmao
i think i prefer looking at pre-transition photos than post-transition pre-FFS ones? is that weird?
working on a browser extension that labels posts with alter indicators with information from bios :3 it's early and very buggy but we're excited – though we never finish projects, so you know
so for some reason, our iPad when docked at our desk sends 5.1 audio to the dock, and it sends only the rear left and right channels to the speakers?
of course Apple Knows Best so there are no settings to disable 5.1 and force downsampling. no issue on macOS with the same file though. ugh.
progesterone? more like, ingest her bone
just need to get railed and called a pretty girl 🥺 i have very simple needs
ever since our major dissociative event about a week ago, headspace has been super quiet, we haven’t co-fronted basically at all, and switches are less frequent and more subtle. the child alters have barely come around at all.
it’s a really scary shift.
just learned cishet women are using “FTM” to mean “First Time Mom”???
gosh that’s awfully confusing when you say “i’m pregnant and a FTM” 😵💫
i still read accelerated graphics port every time y’all start shit posting about agp and it makes me feel OLD damn it
a single modern PCIe lane has equivalent bandwidth by the way 🥴
Woman New Game+
omg they updated Fruit Ninja Classic with a BLUEY EVENT ‼️ it’s so fun!
it's so cool having a mental illness that every therapist ever is unable to treat because they literally just don't teach them about it, so fun 🙃
a genuinely startling number of people use our silly little chrome os update tracking website we made on a whim 6 years ago
billion dollar idea: tanning beds but IPL
we’re nonbinary, a transsexual woman, and a transgender man and if you really think about the implications of those labels you can learn a lot about us.
being trans is NOT about being miserable all the time, as much as many online communities want you to think that.
log off, wear the clothes, try the pronouns, get a haircut, buy a binder, live your fucking life!!!
everything in life has risk, not self-actualizing has more than most things.