notes

the pervasiveness of whatsapp here is both deeply disorienting and extremely convenient

of note i have literally never wanted any sort of online platform or notoriety all i wince when someone reposts or follows me genuinely. i mostly post things on my website because i don’t want anyone to read them as much as i want them out of my brain

trying to balance "keeping up with the US because it's important world news and lots of people i care about live there" and "paying attention to the US ruins the mental health benefits of leaving" is a real challenge tbh

tiktok is so much more fun not in the united states because my fyp doesn't have every other post trying to sell me something for commission! the shop tab is gone!!

the relief of not being in that country anymore is palpable holy shit

really thought that moving out of the country would stop the nightmares about my family showing up at my house and it did, but now i just have much more bizarre dreams involving my family and childhood it’s honestly worse?

just been me for like two weeks basically it’s getting old, hate singletmoding

cacique guaro 👍🏻

a girl who is sometimes a boy who has neither a penis or a vagina

hi

got our first parking ticket 🤭 it was $19 and easily paid via an app, could be worse hah

i’ve run my head into this shelf in our apartment three times and it’s been less than 24 hours help white on white decor is going to kill me literally

tentatively back, no longer in the united states thank fucking god

landed in costa rica, on my way to our airbnb!! so excited to settle (and nap. i got 4 hours of sleep and have been up since 2:30am woof)

at our gate waiting to board! gonna be a long travel day but i’m so excited to get to costa rica!

house is completely empty and locked up, off to Chicago for our flight in the early morning. had a good cry about it all, i will miss our home so much.

i don’t know that homeownership will be a thing that happens for us again, and the stability was so nice and rare.

also notably we haven’t sold the house yet, so that’s stressful.

sold our car today 😭 gonna miss her so much. house is basically empty, it’s all so sad.

realizing i have to return my Embr Wave that I subscribe to and pay full price for one – when I’ve more than paid for one in monthly fees hurts a bit heh

i’m not not having a mental breakdown? i’m physically nauseous from the perpetual anxiety of moving, and keep dissociating and being unable to focus on getting anything done ugh.

i miss therapy but genuinely could not justify the cost anymore 😔

i am now at a place where i keep Signal, iMessage, and WhatsApp open on my computer and gosh is that annoying as hell

So much cleaning got done today! Really starting to settle in that this is actually happening like, soon. Extremely mixed feelings about it, if I’m honest.