I'm a plural system with Dissociative Identity Disorder, and have multiple distinct personality states (headmates or alters) sharing my body and life.
Please Note: I am not a psychiatrist, clinician, or trauma expert. My use of language isn't academic, but an effort to describe my experiences. It may be counter-productive to generalize to other systems, plural people, or folks with dissociative disorders. DID is not the only form of plurality and not all plurality is rooted in trauma.
I was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder in March 2025 – a condition often resulting from severe repeated trauma during childhood that results in multiple distinct personality states, or headmates/alters. Headmates each have unique personalities, feelings, orientations, and ways of interacting with the world.
There is typically amnesia of portions of childhood, traumatic events, and times other headmates are present.
headmates #
✨ Zari they/she #
Zari fronts the majority of the time, and contains most of what you know our personality to be prior to coming out as plural. They're asexual, but often interested in kink. They love reality TV, documentaries, psychology, and electric cars.
She takes on much of the system coordination and management, handling daily life, medical appointments, and making sure everyone's needs are considered. They tend to burn out from overwork without realizing it.
⚫️ Ethan he/him #
Ethan's a trans man, and is fairly masculine. He often experiences intense dysphoria from inhabiting a body shaped by someone else's transition.
He's 21 years old, notably younger than our system's age, but often handles crisis situations and protective responsibilities when other headmates are overwhelmed or burnt out. He's more assertive and dominant than most of the system, and tends to step up when the system needs someone to manage difficult situations.
🌟 Aimee she/her #
Aimee's an 8 year old little girl. She often shows up when we're feeling sensory overwhelm or severe emotions. She loves stuffed animals, particularly Zax (an alien Squishmallow) and her Bluey plushies, and enjoys cartoons, coloring, and other gentle activities for her age.
She is often nonverbal, but can communicate through writing or drawing. If you interact with Aimee, be gentle and use an age-appropriate tone. She can be shy around new people, and doesn't like loud noises or sudden movements.
💖 Melanie she/her #
Melanie's a binary transsexual woman, and is the most feminine part of me. She loves traditional gender roles and really enjoys masculine men taking care of her. She's straight, and sometimes wishes we had vaginoplasty.
She was the primary fronter for multiple years of our life and is significant, but has been dormant for some time. She's significantly shaped our transition decisions, despite her differing feelings about bottom surgery now.
⛓️ Christopher he/him #
Christopher's a 40 year old man, and is very masculine. He takes on the role of the protector within the system, jumping in to take over when one of us is going to make a bad decision. He also encourages us to embrace our strengths and face challenges head-on.
He does not have a strong relationship to the system's body, and does not experience meaningful dysphoria. He loves leather and indie rock.
🌺 Raine she/her #
Raine is 16 years old and struggles with body image and eating. She does not trust men, including those in the system, which can sometimes cause conflict. She does not front often.
💎 Aria she/her #
Aria's 21 years old, very energetic, feminine, loves fashion and pop music. She's a bit of a social butterfly and enjoys going out, dancing, and meeting new people. She also speaks very quickly.
🌀 Flux it/its #
Flux is a blended state between headmates, or a headmate still forming that has yet to become concrete or name themselves.
fronting + switching #
Switching between headmates happens spontaneously and involuntarily, often triggered by changes in emotions, conversations. One of us might naturally step forward if the topic aligns more closely with their interests, feelings, experiences, or comfort levels.
You might notice quick shifts in mood, interests, vocabulary, or style of interaction – this is completely normal. Switches can often take a few seconds, during which I'm not aware and am actively dissociative.
pronouns + identity #
In the past, I've used plural pronouns and been opinionated about using appropriate pronouns based on who is fronting. Lately fronting has been less distinct, so she/they pronouns have been comfortable.
Occasionally in writing, I'll preface a message with an emoji to indicate who's fronting (✨⚫️💖🌟⛓️💎🌺🌀) to help clarify identity and tone.
internal communication #
We communicate among ourselves sometimes — I used to regularly have internal verbal communication, where I'd speak aloud and hear the others internally. I've also been developing an app to track fronting patterns and provide chat between headmates that's been useful.
I also enjoy creating polls to vote on things, it helps with understanding myself more fully and ensuring all of us are on board and invested in the decisions we make.
memory + awareness #
Memory access between headmates varies significantly depending on who's involved and the type of switch. I rely heavily on reading past messages, and leaving notes for each other to track things like meals, medications, and where I've went.
I do experience full dissociative amnesia, particularly during therapy sessions or high-stress situations where switches happen harshly. These moments can leave me trying to piece together conversations or experiences that feel like someone else lived through them, which can be confusing and frustrating for me and the people around me.
interacting with my plurality #
I'm still figuring out how to handle my plurality, so don't fear making a mistake!
Some helpful things:
- Being patient if I lose track of something, don't remember, or need a moment to ground
- Subtly stepping in to take over a conversation or interaction if I'm dissociating
- Checking in about emotional tone – often a shift in energy is a switch, and not caused by anything
These feel bad:
- Treating headmates like fictional characters
- Expressing preferences toward a headmate
- Requesting a specific headmate
- Expecting a headmate to have the same relationship with you as another
- Asking invasive questions about trauma
- Using my plurality to invalidate or psychoanalyze me
if you relate #
Before discovering my DID I would read other people's experiences and feel a connection I didn't really understand.
I nervously spoke to my therapist about DID and she provided this questionnaire – I immediately related to the descriptions.
Feeling like your brain may work in a similar way does not necessarily mean that you're plural and traumatized – mental health is super individual and variable.
There is also a therapeutic modality called Internal Family Systems that uses similar concepts to process trauma and improve functioning. I know many people who have benefited from it, plural or otherwise.
resources #
If you're interested in learning more about plurality and DID, I've collected some resources that I hope are enlightening or beneficial.
The literature on DID can be sparse, controversial, hard to find, and unnecessarily medical. I hope I can find some more grounded learning that's from plural people themselves.