my mom would always use cutsie words like “SO” and “lover” for my wife because acknowledging that i was in a queer relationship would make her spontaneously combust.
can’t believe i accepted that disrespect. well i can, i let her misgender and deadname me for 7 years, lmao
always fun to be honest in response to “hey, how have you been?” and then see someone get quiet because they don’t know how to interact with someone suffering lmao
getting real tired of the people who are obviously just too weak to step up and transition and assert themselves making it everyone else’s fucking problem.
every single one of us has the same concerns and we FUCKING DID IT ANYWAY.
like inject the hormones, wear the clothes, or shut up damn
like, did it cost us our relationship with our entire family? yes.
have we spent time homeless couch surfing to survive? yes.
are we so much fucking happier than we would’ve be been otherwise? GOD YES
turns out not hating yourself every day makes most things easier to handle.
so we had an appointment with our psychiatrist yesterday, in which we were quite vulnerable about how poorly we've been doing lately and the severe dissociative episode we had sunday night, and she felt (and we agree) that things are serious enough we need intensive care.
so next tuesday, we're going to a 3 week outpatient program in nashville. group therapy, individual therapy, and psychiatry appointments from 9am - 4pm monday - friday for most of the month of august.
we're... pretty fucking scared? a bit excited? really embarrassed it's come to this?
apple revive the 12 inch macbook with apple silicon you fucking cowards
remembering the time that an elementary school teacher told us "you really need to move to california, san francisco is the place for you"
...you really could've just called me a slur honestly? lol
if your phone isn’t orientation locked to portrait like 99% of the time just know i see you and i’m judging you
envious of trains having a track, just moving forward
shout out the therapist that blocked me after replying to my message and shoutout to the telehealth platform for emailing me pressuring me to book with the therapist that blocked me
it's actually so cool that my brain is so fucked up no one wants to help me
after last night it’s just been me in front and headspace is completely empty no matter how much i call out for anyone else i am very worried about what is going on
went to look for an insurance document from last year and yeeeesh 🥴
fuck my dumb plural life tbh
my dumb ass: i’m doing so good mentally also my dumb ass: wakes up a half mile from my house walking barefoot in pajamas at 4am
i’m home my feet hurt i don’t know who i am
sobriety is so good for you but it’s so fucking boring i have to fill my time with real activities now what the fuck do you meannn
“traumagenic plurality” is a meaningless and redundant term invented by tumblr people — if your plurality is caused by trauma it’s DID, OSDD, or DDNOS.
If it isn’t caused by trauma we have fundamentally different experiences and you can invent your own language idc really
i just think some framing absolves people of the work you need to do — whether that’s therapy and system work to increase communication and functioning or working toward fusion or integration.
staying in a place with extreme dissociation and amnesia isn’t good for you.
i think it may be time to start thinking about fusion
i’ve always thought about it in terms of losing parts of me — but think about what i’d gain?
increased functioning, emotional awareness and control, a clearer sense of identity, less sexuality and body image conflict.
starting to see what a post-dissociation skylar could look like and wanting it
wearing glasses is so normalized that people forget that they're literally assistive devices for a disability and so many of us literally cannot function without them
this was brought up by watching an episode of "Couple's Therapy" where this man is upset with his wife for getting her annual eye exam and new glasses and called it "superfluous" 🙃
switching headaches suck i am in so much pain ugh
i guess i’m not taking PrEP anymore because my doctor won’t refill it without it labs despite me not having had sex in ages and i can’t make myself drive an hour and a half to his office because the last time i went he erroneously sent me to the ER because he misread an EKG and i’m traumatized
every time i look at sky’s journals lately she’s just really sad and feeling rejected and i feel so fucking bad that i couldn’t protect her from that she used to be so happy and innocent and joyful and she learned to care more about what other people think. it sucks.