watching old episodes of kitchen nightmares, as we do, and there's a classic motorola surfboard cable modem in the background of this office and we have such fond memories of that modem, the first time we had broadband at home!
notes
small posts and threadson monday someone we were pretty close to and hadn't spoken to in a few days while we were processing some shit was like "please talk to me about what's going on" so I was vulnerable about having DID and he hasn't responded since.
like you fucking asked, man.
new handle, turns out i have DID and my head's an infinitely more complex place than i could've conceived.
if you care to learn more: https://system.gay
pc gaming is so stupid what do you mean my windows 11 is so old i have to do a clean install ??? it’s been like 4 months?
the “i want to play a game” to “i am too tired to play a game after trying to make my computer work” pipeline
i love that we as a society collectively forgot out to build user interfaces in anything other than react so now i can’t trust any application i use because UI state never gets updated properly until you interact with the component
staring at you, Discord iOS.
shout-out to the pharmacist who saw my comment of "i don't care if insurance covers it, i just want it" on my estradiol refill and clocked what was going on and filled it within the hour lol
sucks having all the joy pulled out of a new part of myself to the point i wish i’d never discovered it in the first place
i wish i had figured out so much about myself earlier in life, when i still had a chance to build a life around it.
now it feels like things are out of my hands, and i just have to adapt and work with what i have.
it’s sad that we live in a society where i sometimes am thankful that i was diagnosed with my disabilities as an adult… because of how poorly we treat disabled kids.
certainly in the early 2000’s things were worse so like, did the gifted kid burnout path ultimately traumatize me less? dunno!
i think regardless knowing i was autistic before my 30s would’ve been cool, explains a lot actually.
i know "i bought AirPods Pro and it's enabled me to manage my sensory overwhelm so much better that I am more productive than i've been in a long time" feels a little dramatic, but like, it's true!
tired of having to uproot my entire life repeatedly to go somewhere safer.
i suppose it’s my fault for ever moving back home, but like, heaven forbid i want to live where i’m from. i do actually like it here a lot.
we really ruined online communication when we moved beyond “email me and i’ll respond whenever the fuck i feel like it”
i will not bay area housing policy post i will not bay area housing policy post i will not bay area housing policy post i will not bay area housing policy post i will not bay area housing policy post i will not bay area housing policy post
everything feels so damn existential lately i am exhausted
how is anyone managing to keep up with basic household tasks right now, much less a job, friendships, hobbies, long-term planning?
i’m just stuck in perpetual despair.
there is like a 30% chance i am jumpscared by my own naked body any time i open a random app and it's getting annoying lmfao
okay now that my heart health is squared away, time for our regularly scheduled despair over not having people in my life that genuinely love and accept me and instead judge and shame me into who they want me to be
i spent today in the ER (I’m okay! Just being very cautious about a suspect EKG) and god it was exhausting being repeatedly asked for my pronouns, and misgendered anyway.
My primary care doctor who literally only sees trans patients called me “himself” in clinical notes today.
Fuck.
it’s honestly remarkable how i’ve managed to never have a single person in my life who can just accept me for who i am and i’m always having to minimize or hide parts of myself in order to be acceptable
“doing well” and “taking care of yourself” are too much work i would like to lay in bed and be stoned and depressed and rot thank you