skylar
taylor-
barrickshe/they/ella/elle

notes

small posts and threads

if your phone isn’t orientation locked to portrait like 99% of the time just know i see you and i’m judging you

envious of trains having a track, just moving forward

a train, in the center of the frame is a car with orange and silver metal, with graffiti along the bottom. in the background is a deep orange sunset shining through clouds, and there are power lines i

✨ Zari (they/she)

shout out the therapist that blocked me after replying to my message and shoutout to the telehealth platform for emailing me pressuring me to book with the therapist that blocked me

it's actually so cool that my brain is so fucked up no one wants to help me

✨ Zari (they/she)

after last night it’s just been me in front and headspace is completely empty no matter how much i call out for anyone else i am very worried about what is going on

✨ Zari (they/she)

went to look for an insurance document from last year and yeeeesh 🥴

a screenshot of a medical insurance portal reading: Medical Claims Totals 60 claim(s) for prior year Billed: $709,252.04 Patient Responsibility: $2,265.85

fuck my dumb plural life tbh

my dumb ass: i’m doing so good mentally also my dumb ass: wakes up a half mile from my house walking barefoot in pajamas at 4am

a slightly blurry photo of a super boring suburban neighborhood at night

i’m home my feet hurt i don’t know who i am

sobriety is so good for you but it’s so fucking boring i have to fill my time with real activities now what the fuck do you meannn

“traumagenic plurality” is a meaningless and redundant term invented by tumblr people — if your plurality is caused by trauma it’s DID, OSDD, or DDNOS.

If it isn’t caused by trauma we have fundamentally different experiences and you can invent your own language idc really

i just think some framing absolves people of the work you need to do — whether that’s therapy and system work to increase communication and functioning or working toward fusion or integration.

staying in a place with extreme dissociation and amnesia isn’t good for you.

i think it may be time to start thinking about fusion

i’ve always thought about it in terms of losing parts of me — but think about what i’d gain?

increased functioning, emotional awareness and control, a clearer sense of identity, less sexuality and body image conflict.

starting to see what a post-dissociation skylar could look like and wanting it

✨ Zari (they/she)

wearing glasses is so normalized that people forget that they're literally assistive devices for a disability and so many of us literally cannot function without them

this was brought up by watching an episode of "Couple's Therapy" where this man is upset with his wife for getting her annual eye exam and new glasses and called it "superfluous" 🙃

switching headaches suck i am in so much pain ugh

✨ Zari (they/she)

i guess i’m not taking PrEP anymore because my doctor won’t refill it without it labs despite me not having had sex in ages and i can’t make myself drive an hour and a half to his office because the last time i went he erroneously sent me to the ER because he misread an EKG and i’m traumatized

✨ Zari (they/she)

every time i look at sky’s journals lately she’s just really sad and feeling rejected and i feel so fucking bad that i couldn’t protect her from that she used to be so happy and innocent and joyful and she learned to care more about what other people think. it sucks.

⚫️ Ethan (he/him)

how fast do y'all type? ;3 this is on our MacBook keyboard lol

a screenshot of monkeytype results, showing 128 words per minute with 97% accuracy

✨ Zari (they/she)

we're not hyperfixating you're hyperfixating

a screenshot of Apple Books on Zari's iPad, showing their Psychology collection with a myriad of books about Dissociative Identity Disorder. From left to right: "The Dissociative Identity Disorder Sou

✨ Zari (they/she)

i’m so sorry to speak this into the universe but like… they’re going to send the IRS after queer-focused 501(c)3s right? Like retroactively stripping nonprofit status? I’ve reached out to some ED friends to see if they’re planning for this… and they’re not??

✨ Zari (they/she)

we’re almost certainly privileged enough for it not to matter but that executive order hitting as our mental health is the worst it’s been in a long time, and right as we’re about to meet with our psychiatrist to add DID to our chart (we have reasons) is scary!! genuinely frightening.

✨ Zari (they/she)

we need a new therapist so badly she is not at all versed in DID and keeps trying to use IFS concepts with us and it's so counterproductive honestly, but we're moving so soon and no one will respond to us ugh

✨ Zari (they/she)

we grabbed a copy of Emma Grove's "The Third Person" today and read it in a marathon 3 hour session, holy fuck was it good. Now to spiral a little and process some things lol

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