sucks having all the joy pulled out of a new part of myself to the point i wish i’d never discovered it in the first place
notes
small posts and threadsi wish i had figured out so much about myself earlier in life, when i still had a chance to build a life around it.
now it feels like things are out of my hands, and i just have to adapt and work with what i have.
it’s sad that we live in a society where i sometimes am thankful that i was diagnosed with my disabilities as an adult… because of how poorly we treat disabled kids.
certainly in the early 2000’s things were worse so like, did the gifted kid burnout path ultimately traumatize me less? dunno!
i think regardless knowing i was autistic before my 30s would’ve been cool, explains a lot actually.
i know "i bought AirPods Pro and it's enabled me to manage my sensory overwhelm so much better that I am more productive than i've been in a long time" feels a little dramatic, but like, it's true!
tired of having to uproot my entire life repeatedly to go somewhere safer.
i suppose it’s my fault for ever moving back home, but like, heaven forbid i want to live where i’m from. i do actually like it here a lot.
we really ruined online communication when we moved beyond “email me and i’ll respond whenever the fuck i feel like it”
i will not bay area housing policy post i will not bay area housing policy post i will not bay area housing policy post i will not bay area housing policy post i will not bay area housing policy post i will not bay area housing policy post
everything feels so damn existential lately i am exhausted
how is anyone managing to keep up with basic household tasks right now, much less a job, friendships, hobbies, long-term planning?
i’m just stuck in perpetual despair.
there is like a 30% chance i am jumpscared by my own naked body any time i open a random app and it's getting annoying lmfao
okay now that my heart health is squared away, time for our regularly scheduled despair over not having people in my life that genuinely love and accept me and instead judge and shame me into who they want me to be
i spent today in the ER (I’m okay! Just being very cautious about a suspect EKG) and god it was exhausting being repeatedly asked for my pronouns, and misgendered anyway.
My primary care doctor who literally only sees trans patients called me “himself” in clinical notes today.
Fuck.
it’s honestly remarkable how i’ve managed to never have a single person in my life who can just accept me for who i am and i’m always having to minimize or hide parts of myself in order to be acceptable
“doing well” and “taking care of yourself” are too much work i would like to lay in bed and be stoned and depressed and rot thank you
i cried more today than i have in so many years. i am physically exhausted and dehydrated from sobbing.
getting grindr ads for my bottom surgeon is always a weird experience 🤭
whoever in my brain has decided we’re having nightmares about losing HRT needs to fucking stop 🫠
i may mentally be doing the worst i have in a long time, but i wake up every day in a body that i am so happy with and that has to count for something
knowing i fucked up a relationship is the worst — nothing more i can to do repair that damage and trauma.
it’s been years and still i lay in bed thinking about how we’d be together, if not for my mistakes. how much i miss them still.
how i wasn’t ready then but i am now, when it’s too late.
coping with everything by exploring increasingly severe kinks